Time for some real talk. Even realer talk. The realest talk. Wait, realest or realist? It doesn't matter. It's E3 time, and everybody's predicting something. But I have seen the future, my friends, and I know these six things which will really happen, beyond a doubt.
I sure can't wait for E3.
Real E3 Predictions
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E3 Happens Again Next Year
rnSee you in June 2016 everybody! -
The Internet Explodes About Something
Someone manages to keep a secret. Leaks do little, if anything, to hint at this megaton announcement. It happens, and the crowd of enthusiast press members goes wild. They cheer, they applaud, they sing "Sweet Caroline." Around the internet, 502 errors and server connection problems sparkle like summer fireworks and the Twitter Fail Whale makes a comeback due to the extreme weight of hope and glee being shared worldwide and the latest and greatest video game commercials. -
Fuck You
Shut up you fat baby. It's not a disappointment that we didn't get the new Gun Game. There'll be another Gun Game, probably, they just don't have it ready for E3. What's your problem, dude?
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The Internet Explodes About Nothing
Announcements don't come. Or some announcements come, but others don't. But why didn't they? We read Timmy Fuckall's blogchat about E3, and he said Gun Game 6, Puzzler X, and Open RPG III: The Opener were gonna be at E3. He's the man on the inside, is he not?
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rnBut something wasn't delivered.
rnTwo out of three ain't bad, but it sure as fuck ain't good either.
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rnOur favorite games were announced. Those devs owe me. Timmy owes us. The world owes us, and collection time is now. -
The Internet is Horrible
Oh you think you're so smart? How smart do you feel after I insult your demographics? Huh? Huh? You smart now you (insert racial, religious, national, sexual, or some kind of other name calling)? We disagree about the outcome of a marketing event, and that means I will latch onto differences I can find between you and me and expose you for what you really are:
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rnA PERSON WHO FEELS DIFFERENTLY ABOUT VIDEO GAMES!!!!
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No, Actually, Fuck YOU
Indifferent to the whole situation? Only care about when games come out? You stupid fucker get the fuck out of here. You're not a "true gamer" like me, you only play games that I don't like and/or you consume media at a different rate than me. That means you don't work hard and you aren't intelligent and you don't make the world better like I do. I'm the winner here.
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rn>:(
