It's stupid in the best fucking way possible.
Here's a summary of what has happened to the Third Street Saints five years after the events of Saints Row III: Blah, blah, blah, you're the damn President of the United States.
Sure, your approval rating is in the shitter and maybe you shouldn't have an unleashed pet tiger roaming the halls of the White House (or should you?), but you've got better things to worry about. Things like signing a bill that will end world hunger by feeding everyone cake. Or perhaps choosing another bill that will abolish fuck cancer. Or maybe defending the United States of America from an alien invasion of epic proportions. (That should help with approval ratings…)
Within the first thirty minutes of Saints Row IV, you and your motley crew of Saints are bombarded by gun-toting alien soldiers, whisked off into the sky by red tractor beams, and forced into a Matrix-esque virtual simulation. Luckily, the technogeek Kinzie Washington from the last game seemingly understands the situation and tasks you with the destruction of the simulation by becoming one with your inner Neo. By completing various activities, the virtual world trapping the Saints will gradually deteriorate. That's the plan, anyway.
But while you have superior access to this simulation, you might as well have as much wanton fun as possible, right? I had the chance to experience what the game would be like once your character has fully upgraded weapons with infinite ammo. You know, Second Amendment abuse and all. Need crowd control? Take out a gun that shoots miniature black holes that suck everything into it. Want to force people to dance to their deaths like in Michael Jackson's Moonwalker? Take out the Dubstep Gun and start shooting pedastrians with the power of Skrillex.
If that weren't enough, you can wield an arsenal of superpowers, all of which can be upgraded with further enhancements, like elemental damage, by collecting data clusters strewn throughout the urban environment. Not only can you leap over buildings with a single bound, but you can glide through the air, sprint down streets with super speed, punch foes with super strength, and send foes flying through the air with a blast of telekinesis. And that's only the powers I've been shown so far.
Some activities test your control with these superpowers, like Blazin' which challenges you to zip through streets at breakneck speed under a time limit. Hitting green orbs grants you extra speed while hitting red orbs deducts several seconds from the clock. Professor Genki makes a comeback as well, testing your agility with telekinesis by flinging the right objects through the correct rings—all while evading people in bunny fursuits). Performing well in any of these activities gives you Bronze, Silver, or Gold awards, which satisfy various challenges that, if completed, grant you special bonuses. (They also satisfy the parameters for dancing.)
My only hope is that in the middle of the storyline that you will be able to break through the alien simulation and return to "the real world" with superpowers intact. Because if anyone deserves superpowers, it our Commander in Chief. Some politicians might say that this would be unconstitutional and a terrible imbalance of executive power, but dickheads get punched in the face.
Saints Row IV releases with an "America, fuck yeah!" attitude on August 20, 2013 in North America for Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, and PC.
