Batter the hatchlings!
Avast ye lilly-livered landlubbers! I be Cap’n Nick, an’ you best be sittin’ down an’ fillin’ a pint o’ grog, fer I be tellin’ a tale most bewilderin’, most pointin’ and clickin’, a tale o’ the most unlikely, unpromisin’ pirate of ’em all: The Legend of Jolly Rover. His be not an intimidatin’ name. He be not the tallest, scariest, scurviest dog ter ever sail the sea. He e’en be hatin’ rum, likin’ tea instead… aye… He be a scrawny pup hardly fit fer a sprog, but don’t be makin’ judgments too soon now. Jolly Rover may be lackin’ the virtues o’ a proper pirate, but wi’ a flick o’ his wit, he be sendin’ ye past Davy Jones’ locker an’ back again.
[image1]O’ course, he be not the twisted, scruffy sort – much too funny, much too green – more like Yankee Doodle Daschund wi’ a tailored shirt an’ feathered cap. Cap’n Howell be plunderin’ his ship, an’ Jolly Rover be wavin’ at him like a squiffy loaded to the Gunwales. Then he be locked fer weeks in Howell’s ship, an’ then be ownin’ Governa’ DeSilver fer all the loot he be losin’. Fifty pieces o’ eight! Aye, me hearties, life ain’t fair. But he be not the dog today without a dog‘s luck.
Cunnin’ an’ craftiness be his weapons o’ choice, fer a cutlass be woundin’ the wee lad like a weevil carryin’ a cannonball. Many a pirate be too daft ter know what ter do wi’ a cutlass beside swingin’ the lot out o’ it, but Jolly Rover be brighter than the a’erage pirate. He be knowin’ the many uses o’ the crank, the lamp, the bottle o’ rum, the mango, the peppercorns, and the pile of corn crumbs. Sometimes he be combinin’ them together or be pairin’ them wi’ a spell from a book of Voodoo. That be singin’ a strange shanty and dancin’ all crazy like. Tomfoolery in tight trousers, if ye be askin’ me.
[image2]E’ery puzzle an’ conundrum he be solvin’, be forgin’ him toward becomin’ a pirate. No longer a bilge-rat, a yellow-bellied chum bucket swabbin’ the decks, but a master buccaneer rescuin’ poor lassies and tastin’ revenge. Arrrr! E’ery cracker an’ piece o’ eight he be findin’, be earnin’ him extra points and unlockin’ loot like music an’ art. An’ if he e’er be stuck, his trusty parrot Juan Leon can be givin’ a cracker fer a clue.
Splice the mainbrace, me mateys! Brawsome be developin’ Jolly Rover. That be just one fella, name be Andrew Goulding – designer, programmer, producer, only man in the developer’s comment’ry. Many be helpin’ him wi’ the voices an’ music an’ art, but he be the main man, the true indie pirate sailin’ the high seas o’ games. If winds be fair, Jolly Rover be arrivin’ June 7th fer a mere 20 doubloons through Steam an’ such. So ye mongrels best be supportin’ him, smartly now, or ye be facin’ me cat o’ nines an’ kissin’ the gunner’s daughter!
