After all, Sony is no stranger to disappointment. Because all of us here at Game Revolution appreciate a good (and sinister) laugh from time to time, we've compiled a handful of tragically disappointing announcements that could take the place of a PS4 reveal.
A Bunch Of PS2 HD Ports Are Announced, Final Fantasy X Leads The Pack
Just imagine if Kaz Hirai walked out on stage in New York and confessed that because they're a bit tight on cash at the moment, they can't afford to make a new console right now. Instead, they're going to re-release dozens of PlayStation 2 games remastered in HD for the PS3 and PS Vita. Then, in glorious Ridge Racer fashion he'll proclaim: "We've got… Final Fantasy X HD!" On the screen will be a montage of Tidus and Yuna laughing with Hirai joining in on the hiliarity as he walks off the stage.
PlayStation Plus Plus (PS++) Unveiled, Provides EVEN MORE Free Games
In an effort to milk every cent out of its loyal user base, Sony decides to offer an additional tier to its PlayStation Plus service, dubbed PlayStation Plus Plus. For just $99.99 a year, PS++ subscribers will get double the amount of free games, as well as cross-game chat support. Users who opt for this membership will receive an additional yellow plus icon next to their avatar, letting their friends know that they are "true" Sony fanboys.
Sony Has Re-Acquired The Rights To Crash Bandicoot, And Naughty Dog's Working On A Reboot
The revolting orange mascot from the original PlayStation days makes his triumphant return in the form of a PlayStation-exclusive reboot done by the guys over at Naughty Dog. As a giant costumed Crash Bandicoot takes the stage, everyone gasps as Anthony Severino charges the beast and beats it to a bloody pulp. The whole meeting then comes to an abrupt end, as Mr. Severino is taken away by the authorities.
PlayStation All-Stars Gets New DLC Character, Paul Gale
Due to popular demand, the karate-chopping internet sensation that is Paul Gale will be unveiled as a new downloadable character for PlayStation All-Stars. Lightning will flash on the massive screens as Gale triumphantly roundhouse-kicks his way onto stage shirtless with a black belt tied around his head. As SuperBot demos the game, Gale will proceed to mimic the moves on-screen, yelling loudly and disturbing virtually everyone in the audience. [Image]
Sony Announces Redesigned PlayStation Vita, Calls It The PS Vita Go
In an attempt to resurrect the "Go" branding, Sony reveals a redesigned version of the PlayStation Vita that doesn't have a game slot called the PS Vita Go, or PVG for short. The device will retail for $199.99 to compete with the 3DS XL and feature a similar sliding feature akin to what we saw with the PSP Go. The d-pad and buttons will remain hidden in the bottom half while the analog sticks remain on either side of the screen. A massive groan emanates from the audience as everyone drops their face into their palm.
The Last Guardian Officially Canceled
Instead of revealing something new, what if Sony spelled out what isn't going to be part of the PlayStation's future by confirming that yes, The Last Guardian has finally been put out to pasture. Kaz Hirai is seen crying on stage alongside Shuhei Yoshida who shares with the audience how much money they've wasted on a project that will never see the light of day. The lights then suddenly go dark and the game's giant creature is projected on the screen. The crowd applauds thinking it was all just a joke, only to have their hopes shattered when Kratos appears on screen and decapitates the beast. Everyone is horrified.
