Holiday Gift Guide 2009



PC/Windows PS3 XBox 360 Nintendo Wii PSP Nintendo Stocking Stuffers

The (drunken) festivities have come around once more, and while we would like to recommend sending packages of alcohol to random people in Belgium before we destroy it… wait, no, we’ve done this before.

Well, I guess you can still send alcohol to random countries on our map of targets, we’re not going to complain. But it’s a better idea just to drink the alcohol yourselves (or send it to us).

Times are achangin’ and you’ll see that the PS2 section has now disappeared into the pixelated ether known as irrelevance. Yes, harsh, but it had to go sometime, and I don’t think anyone is going to get too excited about unfurling three layers of candy-cane wrapping paper to get DJ Hero for the PS2… while turning slowly to look at their Xbox 360.

This year, the Wii is at the egregiously low price of $199.99 with the Xbox 360 and PS3 not too far behind (Xbox 360 Arcade at $249.99 and 120 GB PS3 at $299.99). It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the Wii probably isn’t going to make any grown-up teenager happy and that the Xbox 360 and PS3 probably isn’t a good idea for a kid who doesn’t even know what "mature" even means. Surprisingly, with the exception of New Super Mario Bros. Wii and The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks, the Wii, DS, and PSP don’t have that much going on this holiday season… though that means many of its best titles are at a lower gift-ready price.

And if you’re unsure about what to get your video game savvy friends, especially if you don’t know what games they already own, points cards are always the good way to go. No one can complain about getting more Xbox Live points, and if they do, give them to someone else who deserves it: you.

 

PC     PS3     Xbox 360     Wii     PSP     DS     Stocking Stuffers

 



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With developers still concerned with piracy and people’s wallets straining to keep up with the system requirements for some high-end games, the hardcore PC gaming market has seen better days. Unless your soul as already been taken by WoW, EVE, Evony, Rappelz, or one of the other numerous MMORPGs out there. Most of the titles on this list are multi-platform, but by and large, the PC version is the best, with better graphics and the ability to apply mods. Well, if you want the best, you need the money.

Borderlands

Publisher: 2K Games

Genre: First-Person Shooter RPG
MSRP: $59.99

 
No, I really shouldn’t. I just got a Level 28 sniper rifle with 4x fire elemental damage and a bonus to critical hit damage with an ammo-regenerating magazine. I should call it a day. But I think I see… what is that? It’s a red chest! Hmm… maybe just five more minutes.

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Dragon Age: Origins

Publisher: Electronic Arts
Genre: RPG
MSRP: $59.99

 
Warden: "Tell me about the Qunari."

Sten: "No."

Warden: "What? Why not?"

Sten: "You cannot group a people into simple descriptions, such as the Elves are a lithe, pointy eared people who excel at poverty."
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Left 4 Dead 2

Publisher: Valve
Genre: First-Person Shooter

MSRP: $49.95

 
Coach at the beginning of Part 3 of Dead Centre: "Let us pray… oh, Lord… please give us the strength to make it through this… and please let the food court be okay."
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The Sims 3

Publisher: Electronic Arts
Genre: Simulation / Virtual Life

MSRP: $49.99

 
Girl: I love The Sims 3.

Boy: Of course you do, it’s a dollhouse simulator.

Girl: *slaps boy*

Boy: *thinks that’s hot*
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Fallout 3: Game of the Year Edition

Publisher: Bethesda Studios

Genre: RPG

MSRP: $49.99

 
Fallout 3: Game of the Year Edition includes the main game and all 5 DLC priced at $10 each. That’s $110 worth of content for $60. Yeah…

Get. It. Now.

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You can badmouth the Playstation 3 all you want, but the system laid claim to the only ‘A’ title we gave out this year. Not only are the graphical difference between it and the Xbox 360 starting to show almost midway through this console cycle, but it also has several exclusive sleeper hits to boot. So even if it doesn’t get dashboard updates as quickly as the Xbox 360 and doesn’t have the same online capabilities as Xbox Live, the Playstation 3 has plenty to brag about.

Assassin’s Creed II

Publisher: Sony
Genre: Adventure
MSRP: $59.99

 
"Don’t worry, a weekly bleeding is part of a healthy lifestyle." ~Doctor

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Dragon Age: Origins

Publisher: Electronic Arts

Genre: RPG
MSRP: $59.99

 
Morrigan: "My, my. You are jealous, aren’t you? Did I take your favorite Grey Warden away from you?"

Alistair: "What? I’m not jealous! I’m horrified."

Morrigan: "Those blushing cheeks of yours tell a different tale."

Alistair: "These blushing cheeks are terrified that you’ll suck all the blood out of them once you’re finished with him."

Morrigan: "If I feel the need to suck on anything of yours, Alistair, you’ll be the first to know."

Alistair: "That… was so not what I meant."
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God of War Collection

Publisher: SCEA
Genre: Action

MSRP: $39.99

 
If you have a friend with a PS3 that hasn’t played any God of War titles at all, then this moderately priced collection at $40 is the perfect gift. Hey, I don’t have to be funny all the time… this is a gift guide, right?
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Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

Publisher: Activision

Genre: First-Person Shooter
MSRP: $59.99

 
A single F-117A Nighthawk: $122 Million

A single F-22 Raptor: $135 million

A single AC-130U Gunship: $190 million

A single B-2 Bomber: $2.2 Billion

A single dead enemy sniper: Priceless

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Borderlands

Publisher: 2K Games

Genre: First-Person Shooter RPG

MSRP: $59.99

 
While we’re ridin’ in this here rig, let me tell you a story about that one time I was sneakin’ along some wall near that cavern with all those shiny crystals and then up from nowhere some badass bruiser tries to punch me out but I had a grenade so… *cars rolls over a body*… damn skags.

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Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

Publisher: SCEA

Genre: Action Adventure

MSRP: $59.99

 

Victor Sullivan: I’m sweating like a hooker in church!

Nathan Drake: You took a hooker to church?

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Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time

Publisher: SCEA
Genre: Horror Action
MSRP: $59.99

 
Pseudocode for retirement in-game:

for (int age = 18; age <= 65; age++) {

    break piggy bank, earn coins;

    reverse time;

    restore piggy bank, earn coins for repair;

    restore time;


}

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Demon’s Souls

Publisher: Atlus

Genre: Action RPG

MSRP: $59.99

 
Demon’s Souls is for that person who you wish stayed at home more often, that boyfriend who goes out dancing and drinking at clubs a bit too often, that relative who you love and hate with a passion, that man-child who hasn’t experienced enough suffering in life. Where’s my roommate?
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Batman: Arkhum Asylum

Publisher: Eidos
Genre: Action Adventure

MSRP: $59.99

 
"Plans, plans, plans. They’ve always got their plans. But the problem with their plan is that when you take an insane person to the asylum, you’re just taking him home. The very place he knows best."

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Fight Night Round 4

Publisher: EA Sports
Genre: Sports
MSRP: $39.99

 
"Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them – a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill." ~ Muhammad Ali
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Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2

Publisher: Activision
Genre: Action
MSRP: $59.99

 
"Deadpool is my kind of superhero. Even if he doesn’t have the best attacks, the best stats, or the best backstory (and why doesn’t he?), he still finds a place on my team. Why? Because he’s probably as crazy as I am in the head and it sounds like he actually has fun being a superhero. Nearly every other superhero is overly serious, overly buff, or overly brooding. Yeah, I would totally go gay for… Wait, am I writing this out loud?" ~Deadpool

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Fallout 3: Game of the Year Edition

Publisher: Bethesda
Genre: RPG
MSRP: $59.99

 
In case you didn’t read the blurb in the PC section, Fallout 3: Game of the Year Edition includes not only the main game, but the five DLC packs, which altogether extends the main game by about 30-40 hours if you’re the exploring type. That’s $60 for a game that can already last you more than 80+ hours without any DLC.
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Microsoft got it right (who would’ve thunk?) when it came out with a console focused on multiplayer and online features at a relatively low price. Today, the Xbox360 has a solid hold on the hardcore gaming market (though the PS3 isn’t too far behind, mind you) and dominates bro-gamer living rooms and frat parties all over the United States. And Duke’s basement, too. Yes, I’ve been there… what I saw… cannot be unseen.

Assassin’s Creed II

Publisher: Ubisoft
Genre: Action
MSRP: $59.99

 
They’re everywhere. They’re sitting on the subway, sleeping on the bus, standing in the elevator, walking out of the gym, heavily clothed, making their presence felt, and they might be behind you right now.

Guys with hoodies. Scary.

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Dragon Age: Origins

Publisher: Electronic Arts
Genre: RPG
MSRP: $59.99

 
Wynne: "I believe you were enraptured."

Alistair: "She’s our leader. I look to her for guidance."

Wynne: "Oh, I see. So what guidance did you find in those swaying hips, hmm?"

Alistair: "No, no, no. I wasn’t looking at, you know, her… hind quarters."

Wynne: "Certainly."

Alistair: "I gazed, glanced, in that direction, maybe, but I wasn’t staring, or really seeing anything, even."

Wynee: "Of course."

Alistair: "I hate you. You’re a bad person."
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Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

Publisher: Activision
Genre: First-Person Shooter

MSRP: $59.99

 
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." ~Albert Einstein
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Borderlands

Publisher: 2K Games

Genre: First-Person Shooter RPG

MSRP: $59.99

 
"Yeah, an old buddy of mine… and by buddy, I mean asshole that ruined my mama’s girl parts, needs savin’. So you go on and do that so I can kill him at a later occasion." ~Ernest Whitting
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Batman: Arkham Asylum

Publisher: Eidos
Genre: Action Adventure

MSRP: $59.99

 
"Oh, you. You just couldn’t let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You are truly incorruptible, aren’t you? Huh? You won’t kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won’t kill you because you’re just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever." ~The Joker, The Dark Knight
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Fight Night Round 4

Publisher: EA Sports

Genre: Sports
MSRP: $39.99

 
Let me guess. You’re just some punk from the Bronx or Brooklyn or some other shmuck hellhole, and you think that you’ve got a mean right hook. But you’re just another asswipe who can skip rope and do pushups. You think you’re Rocky. But look at yourself, just goddamn son of a… AWWW!!! UUGGGHHH!!!! FFFUUUUUUUCCCC!!!… … … … … … … … … awww…. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … bitch.
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Forza Motorsport 3

Publisher: Electronic Arts
Genre: Racing
MSRP: $59.99

 
……………………ZEEEEERRRRMMMMMM…………………..

…………….ZZZZZEEEEEEERRRRMMMMMMM………….

………….oh, did you want me to write something?……

…….ZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRMMMMMMM…

ZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRMMMMMMM

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Halo 3: ODST

Publisher: Microsoft

Genre: First-Person Shooter

MSRP: $59.99

 
I don’t care what you say, you know you want to be saved by Nathan Fillion in a Master Chief get-up. Don’t even try to deny your inner fantasy? And if you’re still fighting it, then maybe you’re not the sci-fi geek i thought you were. Hmm… disappointing…
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Left 4 Dead 2

Publisher: Electronic Arts
Genre: Horror Action
MSRP: $59.99

 
Ellis: I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith fell out the rollercoaster? Yeah, he didn’t drop far, mind you, just onto the tracks, but the carnival people wouldn’t stop the ride ’cause all the other people paid good money and Keith snuck on for free, so he had to dodge for like twenty minutes or so…

Nick: You know what I like best about your stores, Ellis? The sound they make when they stop.

Ellis: Okay.

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Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2

Publisher: Activision

Genre: Action

MSRP: $59.99

 
Hey, Deadpool here again. Thought I would say that I don’t appear enough in the Holiday Gift Guide or on GameRevolution’s site. I know I signed on the bottom line, but what the hell guys? You know the writer is just being lazy, grabbing quotes from everywhere instead of actually doing any work. He doesn’t even try to be funny at all like me. Maybe I should just shoot this… … … *sorry, GR is experiencing technical difficulties at this time*

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Fallout 3: Game of the Year Edition

Publisher: Bethesda
Genre: RPG
MSRP: $59.99

 

Since this edition includes about 120+ hours of content, the soundtrack (as good as it is) will begin too repeat far too early. So here are a few recommendations for songs to add to the playlist:

~ Bing Crosby – Dear Hearts and Gentle People

~ Billie Holiday – Detour Ahead, Travelin’ Light, I’m Painting The Town Red, What A Little Moonlight Can Do, Yankee Doodle Never Went To Town

~ Cole Porter – You’re The Top

~ The Ink Spots – Old Shanty in Old Shanty Town, Whispering Grass

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We at GR love to bash the Wii. Not because female gamers prefer its sleek, sexy, Mac-inspired chassis by 80%, but because it’s really a toy for kids and families. From our hardcore viewpoint, games are dumbed down for "them"… but we shouldn’t complain too much. The Wii has brought video games back into relevance, and numerous households have a Wii. They may not use the Wii as often as they would like, but that’s where this gift guide comes in, doesn’t it? So, yes, if you are buying a Wii game as a present, please do, because there do exist games for the Wii that aren’t Wii Sports.

New Super Mario Bros. Wii

Publisher: Nintendo
Genre: 2D Platformer

MSRP: $49.99

 
Now we know that New Super Mario Bros. Wii is as hard as the classic Super Mario Bros. for the original Nintendo… probably harder. But the generation of video games that we remember from when we were but a child were supposed to be hard. Today, games are way too easy and tell kids that life is meant to be a cakewalk and that games are supposed to cater to them. No. No, I say. Teach them a lesson now, so that they grow up to be upstanding citizens like us. *Are you mumbling?*

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Dead Space Extraction

Publisher: Electronic Arts
Genre: Shooter
MSRP: $49.99

 
I guess the only way for a shooter to work on the Wii properly, it has to be a rail shooter. I mean, The Conduit is a great shooter I guess… for the Wii. But Dead Space Extraction is actually a winner, with a story that fills the plot of the original story and gameplay that asks players to aim at specific joints (if they don’t want to become alien food, of course).

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Muramasa: The Demon Blade

Publisher: Ignition Entertainment

Genre: Action Adventure

MSRP: $49.99

 
Muramasa: The Demon Blade was the only Wii title this year that made me and my roommate forget that we owned an Xbox 360. Coupling fast-paced sword fighting with simple controls and an art style that puts the words "next-gen graphics" to shame, it’s a game that will shut up anyone who says that the Wii is only good for shovelware.
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Wii Fit Plus

Publisher: Nintendo
Genre: Exercise Simulation

MSRP: $19.99 ($99.99 w/ Balance Board)

 
You know what goes well with Wii Fit and that shiny Wii Balance Board you never use? Some fried chicken. Alright, alright, alright, the correct answer is a bucket… of fried chicken. Fine, get Wii Fit Plus instead. I’ll just eat my delicious KFC by myself. *dangles crispy drumstick in your face*

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Punch-Out!!

Publisher: Electronic Arts
Genre: Sports
MSRP: $49.99

 
Lil Mac has it rough. Someone obviously dropped the ball on the proposal for weight class divisions. He has to punch some guys down about fifty times before they go down… once. But if he gets hit about ten times, he down for the count. Yeah, there’s the whole underdog thing going for him, but that’s like asking some dude to walk into the ring with Wolverine for fame and not a whole lot of fortune.

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We might have to call this section the PSP Go or append a PSP Go section in future gift guides, but for now, the PSP Go doesn’t have enough exclusive downloadable titles to make it necessary or worthy as a replacement. It’s surprising because the PSP doesn’t have that many titles which jump out as stellar must-haves, but as the console slips into the world of digital distribution, there are still shining stars in the UMD catalog.

Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars

Publisher: Rockstar

Genre: Action Adventure

MSRP: $29.99

 
Huang: "You talk like you have a small dick. They have treatments for that, you now."

Zoa:
"This city is out there for the taking, just waiting for an enterprising man like myself, and you’re making penile jokes. Your perspective is so limited, but I think with my guidance you might be able to rise to the level of merely adequate. And by the way, since you asked, it’s enormous."
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Soul Calibur: Broken Destiny

Publisher: Namco Bandai

Genre: Fighting
MSRP: $39.99

 
My pointy stick is longer than your pointy stick. My pointy stick is bigger than your pointy stick. My pointy stick is denser than your pointy stick. And now I’m poking your head with it.
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LocoRoco 2

Publisher: SCEA
Genre: Action
MSRP: $19.99

 
Perhaps the perfect gift for a kid who doesn’t know what to do with his PSP, LocoRoco 2 is a bright and cheery game that everyone loves. Even Duke plays it… when we’re not looking… or even when we are…
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The one magical light that Nintendo shines upon us hardcore fellows is its compact handheld that comes in a rainbow of happy colors. They seem to be onto its success as well, making multiple versions of the handheld including the camera-packed DSi and the DSXL in Japan apparently for older people that like bigger things so that they can see them. That’s the implication… kind of mean… I think the older folks should hit Nintendo with a broomstick… if they can see them.

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days

Publisher: Square Enix
Genre: RPG
MSRP: $39.99

 

Square-Enix, otherwise known as "Squeenix" by its inconsolable fans, hasn’t been very successful with its console outings aside from Final Fantasy, but the DS seems to its redeeming point. Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days continues that tradition, though I think Square Enix Japan needs to reconsider their stance on titles in America that involve math.

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Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story

Publisher: Nintendo

Genre: RPG
MSRP: $34.99

 

Mario RPGs always serve as a great introduction to the genre for kids and the otherwise inexperienced. Even for veterans like me, it’s always pleasant to take a journey back to the days when item fusion wasn’t an unnecessary necessity. And really, who doesn’t want to see Mario and Luigi all rumbly in Bowser’s tumbly?

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Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box

Publisher: Nintendo

Genre: Puzzle

MSRP: $29.99

 

Not every game needs to be slaughtering indiscriminate monsters for experience, items, and gold. No, some games can be about collecting picarats instead! Okay, so you actually go around quaint villages solving people’s math homework, but hey, kids (I’m also pointing at you) probably aren’t using their brains enough anyway.

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Peggle: Dual Shot

Publisher: PopCap
Genre: Puzzle

MSRP: $19.99

 
Don’t even try to comprehend it. The reason Americans find Japanese pachinko with cute animal characters addictive cannot be found. And if you’re trying to find it, wouldn’t you rather be playing Peggle instead?
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Personal Trainer Cooking

Publisher: Nintendo
Genre: Edutainment
MSRP: $29.99

 

Let’s face it, some people are so busy gaming with their DS that they don’t know how to cook. And you probably know a food newbie who has a DS but hardly ever uses it (like, say, an Asian college student). Personal Trainer Cooking is the interactive recipe book that they’ve always wanted but never knew it.

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It’s extremely tempting to cheat in this section. We can justify putting any ridiculous object here as long as it’s geeky and the stocking is large enough. What do you mean, of course the Xbox 360 Elite Modern Warfare 2 Bundle can fit in a stocking. We have no idea what you’re talking about.

Xbox Live Marketplace Points

MSRP: 1600 Points Card for $19.99, 4000 Points Card for $49.99

The Awesome Games That Xbox Live Points Can Get You:

Shadow Complex

Trials HD

Marvel vs. Capcom 2


Splosion Man

– DLC for Borderlands, GTA IV, and Fallout 3

– Belgium (still waiting for it)

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WiiWare Points

MSRP: $19.99 (2000 Wii Points)

The Awesome Games That Wiiware Points Can Get You:

Lost Winds: Winter of the Melodias

NyxQuest: Kindred Spirits

Swords and Soldiers


World of Goo

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Netflix Subscription

MSRP: $9.00 / month (Most inexpensive policy), $14.00 / month ("Great Value" policy)

With the price of cable skyrocketing and video rental stores being a hassle, a Netflix subscription is the best substitute, especially with the Xbox 360’s and PS3’s instant Netflix streaming (the PS3 requires a Netflix disc). For about $108 a year, you can get (or give someone) access to Netflix’s extensive library of classics and TV shows including The Office, South Park, Farscape, 30 Rock, Doctor Who, The IT Crowd, Dexter, Penn & Teller: Bullshit, and plenty of cult classics that every gaming geek should know.

Where can I get that?

  

Wireless Sensor Bar for Wii Console

MSRP: $19.99 (DVD)

Why? Because you know you hate that wire between the sensor bar and the Wii. That’s the only reason.

Where to lose the wire?

  

Mad Catz Tournament Edition Fight Stick

MSRP: $149.99

Whether you get the Mad Catz Tournament Edition Fight Stick with the Street Fighter IV or the Marvel vs. Capcom 2 art, it is well worth the price for those hardcore fighting friends you have who can’t stand doing a quarter circle without a joystick. Its Sanwa Denshi quality components are adjustable and the buttons are quick-to-the-touch responsive and precise.

Read the review.

Watch the watchmen.

 

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