No, I’m not fixated. Review

No, I’m not fixated.

Just in time for the holidays, the Victoria’s Secret catalog is currently

selling the ‘Millenium Bra’. Tailored to fit, the bra features over 2000 diamonds

and diamond-cut sapphires in platinum settings. The price? A mere $10,000,000.

If there is anyone who deserves to wear the Millenium Bra, it would have to be

Lara Croft. She certainly has the robust figure to show off all those diamonds.

She can afford it too, what with her palatial estate, huge tracts of land, and

all those plundered, priceless artifacts.

Come to think of it, those artifacts do come with a price; usually a curse,

or at least some people trying to kill Lara. You’d think she would have learned

by now, but nooooo…This time, Lara has managed to loot the Amulet of Horus from

an Egyptian tomb in the Valley of the Kings. By removing the amulet from its ancient

resting place, Lara has released the evil god Set and doomed the Earth to eternal

suffering. It’s up to you to help her put it right. Thanks a lot, Lara.

Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation is the 4th installment in the series

and puts Lara back where she belongs – in the tombs. Lara returns to her first

love, archaeology, which means no more military bases or oil derricks. Hooray!

Anyone who tells you that archaeology consists of painstakingly long hours of

carefully sifting dirt and slowly exposing tiny shards of pottery is lying. Archaeology

is all about charging through ancient temples, violating ancient cultures, stealing

precious relics, and blasting anything that moves. Oh, and getting cursed, obviously.

Now, Lara didn’t learn her archaeological skills just by watching Raiders

of the Lost Ark. At the opening of The Last Revelation, you get to

play as the 16 year-old schoolgirl Lara. Too rambunctious for her upper-class

British parents, Lara is sent off on a field trip to Cambodia with famous archaeologist

Werner Van Croy. It is there that he teaches her all the ways to plunder a tomb

for fun and profit in their quest for ‘The Iris’. Of course, in the end, the Iris

is cursed, Werner is caught in a fiendish trap and Lara barely escapes with her

life. This girl just can’t take a hint.

For

the rest of the game, however, you play as the classic adult Lara. She’s even

a bit more ‘adult’ than she used to be, as her mighty bosom is noticeably larger

than before. Come on, Lara – were implants really necessary? Even Pamela Anderson

had hers reduced. One more augmentation and Lara could be a freakshow stripper

on the Jerry Springer show.

Lara’s buxom figure is also rendered in the same old Tomb

Raider engine, though slightly tweaked. Lara’s moving pony tail is old news,

as are the light sources. The most noticeable improvement in in ‘single skin’

texturing which makes Lara’s limbs and joints fit together better. Eidos also

added ‘bump mapping’ (a highly technical geek term), but it doesn’t really look

different. Basically, The Last Revelation looks good, but not great.

There are shinier stars out there. However, this also means that the game will

run just fine if you have an older system with an old 3D card.

The sound, however, is very well done. The voice acting is all top shelf,

from Lara’s sexy, posh public school accent to Von Croy’s abusive German dialogue.

The music is cued to certain areas and events for effect, but most of the time

you hear only the eerie noises of the tomb. Fantastic.

The tombs themselves are very well done and remind me of those in the first

Tomb Raider. Almost the entire game takes place in ancient Egyptian tombs,

with a couple of breaks to drive a jeep and a motorcycle on wild chases. The puzzles

are mostly object based (find the star-shaped amulet and put it in the star-shaped

hole), but there are a few here and there that will test your gray matter as well.

Like the first title, the emphasis is on exploration and setting rather than

on combat and jumping around on Mario-esque platforms. I felt that this was a

poor direction for the 2nd and 3rd titles. So I, for one, am pleased to see the

game returning to its superior roots.

Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation is easily the best game since the

original, ground breaking Tomb Raider. However, besides a couple new moves

and some better textures, it’s exactly the same game. It’s a breath of

tomb air: spooky, challenging and enthralling, but perhaps a bit stale,

sealed underground for a little too long.